Tuesday, May 03, 2011

Choice



My first semester of Seminary has been enlightening and discouraging. I have heard many things that I have come to disagree with theologically, which has led me on a theological journey. Trying to ask questions that no one seems to be able to answer, like;

Why are heaven and hell so crucial to our salvation? If neither existed would we still seek Christ?

Is the Bible supposed to be contextual? Is that is why there are so many contradictions within scripture?

Who is this God that we are worshiping? What is his character like?

And can we even verbally, physically, and psychologically know him?

Is baptism truly crucial to salvation?

Because of new brain research the soul does not really exist in a separate sense, do we have to go back and re-translate scripture?

Through our own Biblical translation how much of the message do we truly lose?

Can we actually know anything outside of our own context? And if we cannot does history matter?

What happens when the lamp stand of a church is taken away?

Why is the Restoration movement so disoriented and disconnected?

Is communion truly necessary to remember Christ? Can't we remember him through wearing a cross or saying a prayer? If there is no power in communion, if it is just a memorial, what's the point of doing it every week?

Why are there some Christians who actively work at their salvation with fear and trembling, and there are others who settle for a clean morality?

Why do we let historical examples of theological subjects determine our now moments?

In Evangelical Protestantism who is our Hermeneutical Pope or Magisterial Authority?


These questions have led me to question the very foundational theology that forms the restoration denomination. These questions have also led me to seek out different streams of Christianity. As I have been pondering whether to stay within the restoration movement I have been led to a choice. A choice whether to stay or go. A choice to leave my foundation, my home, my brothers and sisters, my mentors, and strike on a new journey.

As I have been sitting in class this morning the topic of church membership came up. My professor was addressing my generations abhorrence of membership. He stated that the reason my generation does not make a committed decision in any aspect of life is because we want to have our cake and eat it too. We do not want to make a public committed decision to a person, or a body because we want all of our options open. We want a quick escape. However, we also want the benefits of church membership, or marriage, or a specific career. We, as a generation, are so fearful of making the wrong choice, that we do not make a choice at all. In this sad decision we become shallow, impatient, and ungracious people. We can not stand another person's belief system because we are so insecure of our own.

However, being apart of this generation I understand this feeling. There is such a weight to be a great or powerful or wonderful person, that to just be ordinary is terrifying. I understand this feeling and I have lived through giving this feeling up.

While it was not easy to give up this 'great responsibility' I have been able to see that to be ordinary is deepening. To accept your ordinariness is life changing. This ordinariness frees you to be yourself, instead of someone you can never be. When you give up the illusion of grandeur, you find yourself on the other side, living.

A year ago I would be terrified to leave the Restoration movement. I would have felt that I was 'called' to be a trailblazer, or a wonderful author, or a great preacher.

However, God has only called me to follow him. He does not require me to save the world, or to make a wonderful contribution or to do great, powerful things. He only requires me to follow. To follow in my ordinariness.

Through my questioning I have been led to make a choice. And through my ordinariness I am free to make the choice. And through the Father, the Son, and the Spirit, I have been set free.

Prayer

I think I have become more fearful as I have gotten older. I think of things more and I have become more concerned with my own morality and the morality of others. I think Satan uses these thoughts to cause worry and the need to control. I think the mind is a fun playground for Satan, because I truly believe that more than not we as human beings, are not aware of our own thinking.

I believe that is the reason we are called to pray. Often times prayer is looked at as a tool to communicate our needs to God. During my time growing up within the restoration movement I have not seen a deep understanding of prayer. I have noticed within the restoration movement, that prayer is an emotional response to God's work, or to human despair. Prayer is driven by our emotions rather than by our
minds.

While in high school my home church gave out journals along with yearly scripture plans to encourage Biblical reading. I began to write my prayers out. While my emotions still drove my prayer life, my journal helped me become a disciplined prayer.

When I met Waylon we would go to his home church in Central Illinois occasionally and I was told in a Sunday school class that you could not write your prayers out, because written prayers are not Biblical. The Sunday school teacher must have not gotten around to studying the book of Psalms. I had always wondered if my written prayers were being heard.

As I have gotten out of college and I have started becoming an adult I have lost my prayer writing. I have gotten out of the discipline of writing my prayers down. However, I have become more aware of the complexity of prayer and how it is a holistic response to God, rather than just an emotional response. I pray more deeply than I have prayed before, and often times I don't use words to do it.

However, I see the reality of prayer being a lifestyle choice that scripture gives us to help submit our minds to Jesus. I think that is why Jesus' form of prayer is so focused on God and his providence rather than on our own emotional insecurities and problems.

I truly believe that prayer is more about our minds becoming disciplined and submissive to the Spirit rather than anything else. Prayer allows the Spirit to convict our mental sins and gives the Spirit a chance to protect us from Satan's sneaky attacks.

When we are not self aware of our own challenges and our own sin we become a victim to Satan and his attacks and our mental sin seeps into the rest of our spirituality like a cancer. As I allow my negative thoughts to run rampant I find when I prayer and encompass my mind on God I find a peace that overcomes all my worry and anxiety. Just as we train our bodies and our emotions, we must also train our minds to preach and represent the Gospel.