Sunday, April 29, 2007

We fool ourselves into thinking that if we talk enough about a revolution than it must be alive and real.

That is unfortunately not the case.

We talk about a revolution like it's happening, yet we continue to do the same things we would normally do in our daily lives.

We are not living in a time of revolution. We are living in a time of democracy.

Friday, April 27, 2007

Faith is proven by the validity of the life that lives it out.

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Figuring things out.

My Roommate just farted, which just broke a ten minute silence. My roommate responded by laughing and then I applauded her valiant performance.

I lose track of the days and have to consitency ask people around me what day it is.

My roommate and I always compete on who can turn their music on first.

Monday: That was yesterday, I got up early and did homework because I procrastinated the night before. I went to classes and then went to work. Had a conversation with a close friend that proved to be worth every word. Did homework late because I procrastinated during the day.

Tuesday: Got up at 6:45 a.m.(which is not normal) Took a shower and went to breakfast where I consumed chocolate chip pancakes. Went to class, chapel, and more class. Had a meeting with a prof. about class. Exercised, went to dinner, did homework, watched Gilmore Girls and House, Now I am discussing things with Kierkegaard.

I feel like I am more and more becoming transparent in my bloggings. Either it's because I have nothing else to write about Or because I just don't have enough time to actually write any thing profound and funny.

24 days left of school! Then I will be a Junior in college. Weird.

Saturday, April 21, 2007

The Hope of the World?

"I suggested that only a "dry as dust" religion prompts a minister to extol the glories of heaven while ignoring the social conditions that cause men an earthly hell." Martin Luther King Jr. talking with ministers in Brigham Alabama.

Bill Hybels says the Church is the hope of the world, but how is the church supposed to be this if it never reaches the world in the first place.

What is the church for?

Who is the church for?

Is it to be missional to attract the seeker?

Is it to be a steaming post of Christian education and community?

Is it to be a home for the widowed, the orphans and the parents who have lost a child?

Is it to be a forum of theologians and philosophers?

Is it to be a hospitable for the sick and the crippled?

Is it to be a place of chosen economic flourishment and forced economic poverty?

Is it to be a place where laws are followed but questioned?

Is it to be a place where the social rights of a person exist and discussed?

The church is to be all these things. The question remains then; who is going to bring the hope into the world?

Friday, April 20, 2007

Why

Why in the world does it happen this way.

Right when I am happy and content with the things that are occurring in my life this pops up.(This is a lie, yes writers lie to, it's called fiction- clearly, you haven't read The Da Vinci Code yet.)

Right when I have hit the point where school seems frivolous to me I collide into this detailed plan.(This is true)

Right when I forget to hear the music I walk into a room that is full of pianos in which only one is being played. (This actually happened to me today. They were selling piano's in the chapel. I walked in and there were at least forty pianos in the front room but only one was being played at the time. This sentence isn't just some poetic sentence used for the pulling of the heart strings.)

It's like that one piano is letting every other piano know that it is here for that specific reason.

Or it's like a coffee mug. If you fill it with pens, or tea it is not happy because it is not truly fulfilling its purpose. The only time it truly is happy is when it is full of coffee.(I have a coffee mug that is on my desk with pens in it.)

If you want to label an inanimate object with the emotional capacity for baggage.

I could use metaphor after metaphor but it wouldn't matter because real life is more existent(I spelled this word wrong when I first wrote it.)

Sometimes I worry about the people who are always laughing, because they must get tired of hearing themselves all the time.

The decision needs to be made the question is who makes it. Some say the individual will doesn't seem to be a real commodity in the economic status of Grace while others invest all their money in it. (People are obsessed with money. Oh wait is that me?)

The pro and con list has been made.(Yes I get some of my guidance from the show Friends.) The conversations are happening, but what if I don't do it. What if I don't go through with it. What if I rebel and run and do something else. I guess some would say I was a waste of something. Whether it be a gift or a just simply a lifestyle. But would I be miserable. Miserable in knowing that I could have done something else. Miserable and stuck.

But what if I do. What if it happens and I live but I'm miserable. Miserable in my thought process and miserable because I am surrounded by the masses who laugh at every thought and listen to every note without hesitation.

Am I the piano being played or am I just one of the pianos watching with a sadness.(Pianos are inanimate objects, they can't feel anything)

"What if everything in the world were a misunderstanding, what if laughter were really tears?" E/O Soren Kierkegaard (Don't take that quote seriously I pulled it out of context.)

Sometimes self disclosure is not only dangerous it is self-contradictory.

Irregular

Thursday day: met with a prof. who might give a cool opportunity for the next seven years. Took a Greek test, went and saw God move in IDS through PowerPoint and listened to old English.

Thursday night: Watched three episodes of House. Discussed the identity of Satan. Came up with a pro and con list.

Friday: Woke up and went to work. Gave a military man a tour of our school and ever time we entered a building he took his beret off. Got two free Starbucks drinks.

Friday night: Went to Bloomington where a small little Indian girl followed friends out of a store. Roommate was concerned so she did what any Indiana bred girl would do, she talked to the nearest police man. Only problem is this little girl didn't speak English. A nice women came up and started talking to her in Hindi. Mystery solved. Unless the women kidnapped her, then all helped in abating a criminal. Roommate just discussed that the child should have come to Lincoln.

Watched Kiss Kiss Bang Bang and discovered that the best movie line should always be the last.

Learned that when the plan that you really think is going to happen, happens, suddenly doubts become more prevalent. Frustrating.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

God Hates Fags?

So I was talking to my good friend today about the Virginia Tech shootings and I guess her friend went there. So she was looking at some of the things that people have been saying on facebook and she noticed that westboro baptist church had commented.

The westboro baptist church and I have some history. Meaning I wrote them a letter once and disagreed with them. So I visited there website today once again and found the same stuff that was on there the last time I visited. If you don't know what they are about then I will breifly discuss it here.

Westboro is known as the church who declares that God hates fags. They believe that God hates fags and since we, as America, are allowing this appalling relationship to happen that is the reason that we are losing the war. So they go to military funerals and picket. It's the wierdest theology that I have ever encountered and it's wrong. They take scripture out of context and they are incorrect in there preaching.

I knew this and for curiousity's sake I looked up if any one agreed with me on facebook. Apparantly there are a lot of groups that don't feel like Westboro is doing America justice. I looked at some of the things written in these groups and they were declaring that we should kill and bomb the Westboro Church. That we should teach them some sort of lesson. Basically that we should use violence to kill there prejudice.

So lets bomb the church, and lets kill the main leader. This will work right? No, this won't for a couple of reasons. First, the church will feel like they are still in the right because they will have gotten persecuted for their beliefs. Man, would they have a field day with that. Secondly they will still keep their perverted theology. Violence won't change anything except give them some fuel to be the victem.

Violence cannot be the answer because it takes away their value as humans. This is the truth. Another thing that is true is that they are incorrectly exegeting the text. This can be shown and can be truly lived out in full form.

I have a tatoo on my arm that says Love Recklessly. That is what we need to do. If we are going to get rid of this pest we need to send some strong leaders into that community to have some conversations and to show the love of Christ to these people.

It needs to be strategic enough to work. It needs to be wise enough to be covered in prayer. It needs to be clever enough be apparant.

Who is willing to go into a place that is unhealthy and to reform it?

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

An itch

It's that itch you get when you have stayed in one place to long.

That itch that usually starts off on the leg or on the arm and then spreads unto the whole body. You can scratch and scratch but you can never actually become satisfied. Actually scratching just makes it worse. Simply because when you start scratching it then spreads which causes you to scratch more. Then you get into a routine of scratching and you scratch without notice. This then leads to your skin being scratched off, but you will take no notice. Then you will scratch off all of your veins, but, because it's routine, you will not even flinch. Finally you will scratch off all of your arteries, and your major organs. Nothing will stop you because you will have just gotten into a routine.



This itch will remain and the more you scratch the deeper it will get. You can try to relieve yourself with lotions and oils but it won't help, because your itch will sink beneath your skin.


The way to get rid of an itch like this is to find out what is causing this itch. When you find the cause then you will find the cure. For some the cause is their desire for money and pleasure. For others it is a great adventure. For the rest it is direct personal happiness.



The cause to my itch is not complex.



Freedom.



That is all that I truly desire. To shatter the old mold that has imprisoned me for such a time, and to live a new born life. A life that is not concerned with such rules and regulations but a life that is artlessly formed by the first breath.


I want to fly away and breath.



Like a concrete angel reaching up for something that she will never fully grasp.

Saturday, April 14, 2007

A mediocre writer, writing about a mediocre life.

Tasting the Darkness

Tasting the Darkness...

It's like a hand reaching down into the depths of my throat and tearing out the ability to speak His name.

You know it's happening when you are lying in bed and all you can think about is the destruction and the despair that surrounds you.

It's like screaming until your vocal cords bleed, in a deaf crowd.

The night is not the worst part, it's the moments that come right before it and right after it. The moments when the goose bumps don't come. The moments that are completely silent. The moments when walking across your room to get to the door leaves you as vulnerable as a new born baby.

Tasting the Darkness...

It's when you know that the blood that was spilt was not in vain.

It's like having no emotions in a state when one should have all of the emotions in the world.

Those who have truly experienced it choose to remain silent because to explain the actualities of the events seems utterly unrealistic. Those who have truly experienced it do not have words for such an unrealistic event.

It's like trying to explain the worst moment of your life in the third dimension. Most of us can only experience events in the first dimension because our emotions get the best of us, but when the emotions are removed the third dimension becomes clear.

Those who have experienced have and underlying challenge to cope with it in their daily lives. These individuals have a knowledge of the safe places and the unsafe places and know that it will never stop.

Tasting the darkness presents the idea that there is no hope. Nothing can save us from the invisible ideas that are haunting every one of us.

This is seen in every conversation, in every song, in every single moment.

Tasting the darkness is not terrifying but it is sad. Sorrow and Grief are the syamese children that are seen waltzing around the darkened ball room.

These children waltz around with a slight smirk on their faces because they have brought to you a sense of utter despair. The scene of you in pain brings them a slight satisfaction.

And when you encounter these twins yourself all you want to do is bleed so you can feel the pain that you have no control over.

While tasting the darkness can leave us endangered, tasting the light brings us the hope that is distinguished.

Tasting the light is like receiving a bolt of lightning go through your body. It is a sensation that leaves one in absolute silence for a moment but allows them to shout about what has been done and felt shortly after.

After one has tasted the light one clings to it like it is the last thing on the earth. Nothing else matters, nothing else can take it away.

The light becomes something that you beg for. Your spirit becomes poor and begs for the light like a homeless outcast.

Tasting the darkness will wound you but tasting the light with heal you.

Tasting the darkness will tear your foundation down but tasting the light will build it back up.

Tasting the darkness with lie to you but tasting the light with tell you the truth.

Tasting the darkness with cripple you but tasting the light will push you to run.

Tasting the darkness will pervert you but tasting the light will purify you.

Tasting the darkness will imprison you but tasting the light will set you free.

Tasting the darkness will put a sign around your neck saying you are worthless but tasting the light will put a sign on your neck saying that you are a great prince or princess.

Tasting the darkness will suck the life out of your lungs but tasting the light will breath life into your lungs.

Tasting the Light....

Sunday, April 08, 2007

Easter Sunday

"We are Easter people living in a Good Friday world."

-Dave Ferguson

Saturday, April 07, 2007

Where did Easter Go?

Tuesday, April 03, 2007


I am a land mine in a world of deaf paraplegics.