Weekend in Holland....the town not the country.

Fall break came and so I decided to take a trip up to Naperville, which normally takes two hours but on Friday it took four. Then I decided to take a train to Chicago which was ten minutes late. Then I decided to take another train to Holland which was an hour and a half delayed. All in all my thirteen trip to Michigan could have really been a thirteen hour trip to England. Or the real country of Holland.

So I got off the train and I saw my beautiful Best friend. The reason I went to Holland was to see K-dog. My partner in Crime, my thelma, my adventurer, my coheart in the faith. I also saw K-Holm. It was good to see some old highschool friends as well.

We went to denny's and had a grand ole' time. After this feast we went and I learned how to play a new game of Buk Buk. It's fascinating, I will have to tell you how it works some day.

I slept on K-dog's fouton. The left side is immensly more comfortable than the right side. We ventured into some coffee shops. We also went an saw the new movie The Prestige which was a trick. It kind of reminded me of Achilles and Hector from the Illiad.

Oh and I almost forgot, I went to a college football game...fun huh? We actually saw the real drum line in action.

Then we went to Mars Hill which I think I will post a different blog about because I am quite puzzled on what is going on there. It was an interesting experience if I have ever had one.

Alas the weekend in Holland had to come to an end. So I waited thirty minutes more for my late train back to Chicago and then took a train back to Naperville. I'm sure half of you got a phone call from me asking you to pick me up. It worked itself out though. When I got off the train there was this creepy looking man that I hitched a ride from. Half way to my house he offered me this bag of white substance and a chunk of money, so I decided to let him drop me off a couple of blocks from where I live. All in all he seemed like a nice guy.

Well the adventure of Holland had to come to and end, I'm just glad it happened the way it did.

I don't like being stood up.

Like a beautiful tree....

Oh, how I know the depths of your own heart. Like a beautiful tree planted in the middle of a field. A place to come to as a child and be in awe of your greatness. A place of saftey yet of risk while I climb and explore the life of your branches. A growth of fruit beckens my appetite and I get lost in your majestic height.

Oh, how I know the depths of your own heart. Like a beautiful tree that stands proud and strong during the storms and during the spring breeze. A place I can come to when I am involved with a beautiful love. Somewhere where I can carve my initials in a heart. And a place where my lover and I can come and lazyily spend hours under your shade during the summer heat.

Oh, how I know the depths of your own heart. Like a beautiful tree that provides all of my needs when I become older and need a place to reside. I selfishly take advantage of your branches and your tallness to put a roof over my family. That you would give up your body so that I may live in a safe place of being.

Oh, how I know the depths of your own heart. Like a beautiful tree that yearns to be desired and knows that when I am old enough will have no used for swinging branches or carved intials. But will provide me a place to just be. A place where I can sit my old shriveled body on it's trunk and be able to be in the presence of the great provider.

Oh, how I know the depths of your own heart. Like a beautiful tree that is willing to sacrifice its whole being to provide for it's great love.

"Christ sheild me this day:

Christ with me,
Christ before me,
Christ behind me,
Christ in me,
Christ beneath me,
Christ above me,
Christ on my right,
Christ on my left,
Christ when I lie down,
Christ when I arise,
Christ in the heart of every person who thinks of me,
Christ in the eye that sees me,
Christ in the ear that hears me."

The Breastplate of St. Patrick

The man's hero

Hector and Achilles fight each other in the Iliad, written by Homer.

Hector was the good and compassionate family man. He went into the war fighting for a cause. He believed in it.

Achilles was a enranged psuedo-phsychotic. He tried walking away but the death of his best friend brought him back into the war. He was cruel and found no value in the human. His soul was darkened by each man he killed. He hated the war but was to good to walk away again.

At the end of the of the Iliad Achilles kills Hector.

He then tries to tie Hector's body to the back of his chariot and has an encounter with Hector's father. Hector's father connects with him and they both mourn for all of the loss that has occured in both their lives.

Both Achilles and Hector are the heros. Hector is the good guy and Achilles is the bad guy but both their characteristics represent a hero. Hero's arn't perfect and they have their dark sides. Usually those dark sides win.

A Stark Realization.

Sitting in the warehouse reading A Greif Observed and came to this sudden realization, that actually has been stewing for a while,

C.S. Lewis writes it well:

"Not that I am (I think) in much danger of ceasing to believe in God. The real danger is of coming to believe such dreadful things about Him. The conclusion I dread is not 'sSo there's no God after all,' but 'So this is what God's really like. Decieve yourself no longer."

This is the idea that I have been struggling with since I learned that God commanded Joshua to commit genocide to the people in the promiseland.

For me the questions and the answers don't add up. While I ask a question that addresses why God took the lives of so many people in the Old and in the New Testament or I ask a question about the children in Africa that are dying of Aids, or are dying of starvation and I get the answers of the many Christians saying 'We can't really understand why God does the things that He does,' or 'You shouldn't question God's ultimate plan.' This one is my favorite 'God's idea of fairness and His idea of justice is not the same as ours.'

While these answers are accurate and have some truth to them these answers are not directly answering my questions. These answers actually are giving an ambigious cover to the fact that they don't really know the answers, but they feel like they have to defend God.

REALITY CHECK- God is the one that I am asking about and his actions, don't defend Him because if he wants to defend himself he will explain these answers. He will defend himself. Don't be unitelligent and give me falsified answers because your representation of your client couldn't be more wrong.

I am quite aware that God exists, the thing in question is God's character. Many would assume that if I didn't believe in God I could not blame God for the injustices in the world. They would be right. What meter could I hold up if I did not have a moral ideal to follow. It's not the belief that is aquired about because God exists. It is God's character that is being aquired about.

The things that should only be known by the mind of God are the things that I so long for. The explanations of the understatements of life are what I desire for. I'm sick of asking deep end questions and getting kiddy pool answers.

Frustration of the Day.

My soul yearns for you, my Lord. That I may be taken away from this world.


So we had a great time in Homiletics today. We had seven people give their sermons tonight and each one did a great job. At the end of class my professor stood up and talked about the eight people going next week.

"You each need to allot your time to ten minutes"

Everything that I have worked on in the last two weeks now has to be chucked. The sermon that I had confidence in and was exited about cannot possibly be fit into ten minutes.

So I'm starting over. I can only tell one story in ten minutes. I hope God makes that story clearly in the next seven days because if not I will not be doing well next tuesday night.



Jesus come back, as soon as you can, just so I may escape these worries that stretch and torment my soul.

The looming presence of Death

Oct. 2
"My Senior year is when my dad and I started a real solid relationship. God has really done some amazaing things through it and has taught me a lot." Me

"It's really interesting because you started having a relationship with your Dad when you were a Senior and that's when my Dad died." Friend

"....I give you permission to be angry with God." Me



"It's ninety degrees on Oct. 3, you know what that means, the world is ending. Which I'm okay with. If Jesus came back today I would welcome him with open arms." Me

Silence

"I was scared to die yesterday....it may sound weird but..." Friend

"No, it doesn't sound weird we have talked about this before, remember?" Me

"Yea, I was just sitting there and thinking about it and I felt the fear...." Friend

"Meanwhile where is God? this is one of the most disquieting symptoms. When you are happy, so happy that you have no sense in needing Him, so happy that you are tempted to feel His claims upon you as an interruption, if you remember yourself and turn to Him with gratitude and praise, you will be-or so it feels- welcomed with open arms. But go to him when your need is desparate, when all other help is in vain, and what do you find? A door slammed in your face, and a sound of bolting and double bolting on the inside. After that silence." A Greif Observed

New Book Idea

So I have been thinking about this new book idea. I know I have to finish my first two before I get on to a third. But here me out. Tell me what you think.

At graduation every Christian graduate gets a book about going to college, and what it takes to stay a Christian in College. I actually got a book that was titled "How to stay a Christian in College" I laughed when I got it because in my mind I was going to the Christian utopia of all colleges. I didn't need to worry about whether I was going to stay a Christian simply because I was going to Bible college.

Then I got here.

So now I want to write a book about staying a Christian in Bible College. It's a lot harder than you think.

I think I will title it
"How I survived Bible College" or

"How to stay a Christian going into ministry" or

"How to stay a Christian in Bible college"

Well that's all. Tell me what you think.